Breast cancer is like a wrecking ball. It hits you hard and knocks your life down in bits and pieces.
There isn’t an easy way to talk about it. Maybe there isn’t even a right way to talk about it. But talk about it we must.
I’ve had friends who went through this devastating experience and I saw first-hand the havoc cancer caused on their bodies, the ways in which the disease tested their relationships and took away their libido.
That’s the last thing to come back, too. Whether you’ve lost one or both breasts or you’re left with bad scars on your chest, you now feel anything but attractive. Just the thought of letting your partner see your bare chest is enough to make you feel sick. That’s hardly the ideal recipe for a passionate sex life.
As hard as it may be to believe now, this is just a temporary glitch in your sexual life.
Of course, it’ll take time to recover and heal your wounds, but I’ve seen myself how with a little patience, a lot of love, and a bit of creativity thrown in for good measure, you can soon enjoy your sex life again.
Today, I want to share with you what I’ve learnt from my friends to let that happen in a safe and satisfying way:
Don’t wait too long
Having sex for the first time after breast cancer is a huge deal. You feel vulnerable. You have no idea where to even start. You wonder how your partner could possibly still find you attractive.
Even though it’s totally normal to think about it a million times and being scared to take this step, you need someone to tell you to stop overthinking. Running through all the possible negative scenarios in your head will put you in the wrong mood and completely ruin the sex before it even begins.
Trust your partner and the love he/she has for you and just let sex happen as soon as it is comfortably possible for you. After your short brush with death, joining your bodies together will feel better and hotter than you’ve ever thought possible.
If it hurts, say so
After breast cancer treatment, your chest area can be so raw and sensitive, even the slightest touch can make you shiver in pain. The good news is that this pain goes away with time. The bad news? In the meantime, the pain comes and goes all the time, so your partner never really knows when it’s a good time to play with your chest and when it’s best to leave it alone.
Just tell him/her. Sex is supposed to be fun. Your partner wants you to give you pleasure, not pain. So, be open, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Your body’s changed and yes, sex is going to be different from now on. You won’t be able to do some of the things you enjoyed in the past. But don’t dwell in your misery. Just take this opportunity to get creative and find new ways to explore all your senses.
Set the mood with some sensual music. Engage your sense of smell with some nice candles or incense. Taste new sensations by playing with wine, chocolate and anything else that suits your fancy. Enjoy warm erotic baths. Give full reign to your sexual fantasies.
The most important thing to remember is that sex and sexuality aren’t static.
They naturally change and evolve overtime. It just happened unexpectedly to you, that’s all. Yes, it’s not fair, but neither is closing the door for good on your sexual life. Instead, talk to your partner and involve him/her in the recovery process.
One little step at a time, you’ll be able to rebuild your lives together and make sex one of the most pleasant parts of it!