Bondage Unchained: How to Tie, Tease and Tempt

There is no denying the allure of being restrained, blindfolded, tempted and teased with your senses heightened until you can’t take it anymore. But where to start? What to use? And more importantly, how do we communicate all this with our partner in order to feel safe, sated and sensual at the same time?

knots bondage

In our first bondage guide for beginners, which we strongly suggest you to read first, you find all the basis: what’s is bondage, how to make it a safe practice for both partners and what you absolutely need to do before starting bondage or any BDSM practice.

To link back to the beginner bondage guide and then starting with tips and techniques, remember, as always, communication before, during and after is key to getting the most out of any bondage session (or any fetish play for that matter).

Tools, Toys and Techniques

There are entire books out there dedicated to bondage tools, toys and techniques, so the below serves as a starter guide for those who are relatively new to the subject.

Blindfolds: For beginners, we highly recommend blindfolds as a start – this will heighten the partner’s senses and make him/her more sensitive to touch. There are plenty of sleek and slinky silk and satin options out there, but if you’re looking to be spontaneous, a tie, scarf, pashmina or handkerchief also works well too. The blindfolded partner can be tempted and teased in a variety of ways, whether by hand (massage, stroking, caressing), by lips and tongue, or even with a feather. It’s a great accessory for foreplay and can also intensify physical and psychological sensations during sex.

Collars and leashes: A collar and/or leash is a surprisingly sexy bondage accessory and is highly versatile too – there is something quite raw and animalistic about it. Soft fabric or fur-lined ones are more suitable for beginners who may worry about chafing or the collar being too stiff, but there are plenty of high quality leather ones out there that also offer comfort and a more bondage-like visual. Most of them will come with a lock and leash/chain, and couples can further explore this dynamic through having the collared partner on his/her knees, on all fours, or simply guided into certain positions.

Handcuffs: Probably one of the most widely used or promoted items when it comes to bondage, handcuffs are an age-old classic for bondage. They are sexy and versatile (you can pretty much use them anywhere in the house), easy to put on and remove, and is unlikely to put too much stress on either partner since the element of control and submission can be easily removed (you don’t even need to use the key if you’re not certain). Couples can start with having the submissive partner’s hands cuffed together, and slowly work towards being chained to the bed and other furniture, or even hands and ankles together. Again there are plenty of soft, fluffy options out there, in addition to the classic metal ones.

Ropes and ties: For beginners we recommend going for nylon rope or ribbon ties, rather than any cotton/hemp rope, as these will cause rope burn more easily. Nylon rope is softer, and ribbon ties often come in a satin fabric that make it perfect for the bedroom. It’s important to practice a few knots just on the ropes and ties themselves before trying it on your partner – make sure to work on those than can be untied easily with one hand in a swift action. Avoid any advanced knots or risky areas on the body such as the neck – start with wrists and/or ankles and remember to check in on your partner to ensure there’s no tingling or numbness. The general rule of thumb is to leave enough space to slip two fingers in between your partner’s body and the rope, to ensure that he/she won’t get rope burn.

Wrist and ankle cuffs: A great alternative to handcuffs, wrist and ankle cuffs come in a variety of materials, from leather and buckles, to velcro and straps. Velcro ones are good for those new to bondage as they can be easily adjusted and removed, and again it is easy to be creative with them, starting from binding the wrists, to binding wrists and ankles to all four corners of the bed. Some cuffs come with removable chains, others come with long straps that can be attached to bedposts and other furniture. Some will have locks and some won’t; take the time to select the one that you and your partner will both enjoy.

Aftercare

Sometimes in the heat of the moment it’s easy to forget that after it all you still have to tune in to one another. Once your partner is untied, make sure to spend some time together, whether to heal (ice or put cream on any part that may be sore or red), cuddle (some couples enjoy the post-session “glow” or “bubble” together), or chat (what did you each like? what would you like to do next time?). It’s important to stay connected and to give the time you need to yourself and to each other, whether to recover, reminisce, recharge or ready yourselves for more.

Have Fun

Ultimately bondage can be an experience that builds further trust between partners and strengthens the relationship; it is no easy feat to place yourself fully in the hands of your partner for them to do with you as they please and similarly for you to dominate your partner through the fine balance of pain and pleasure. As always it takes time to understand you partner and discover his or her needs but one thing is for sure, it will bring (and bind) you closer together.

(Holly - BDSM expert)

Holly lives in Shanghai; she is passionate about BDSM and has several years of experience in this field. She'll give us her point of view and tips mainly on bondage.

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