A healthy sex life is not just something that springs into existence on its own, we have to work at it in different ways.
For some reason there is the common belief that everyone everywhere is having much better and much more sex than you are, and that it just comes easily to them.
This is very incorrect.
As a Psychosexual Therapist I approach a view of a healthy sex life with a more holistic and open perspective, finding out what healthy looks like to that person or those people; but this is as individual as the people having sex. What is one person’s Kink, is another’s vanilla; another’s considered very uncomfortable position can be favoured by someone else, and the most erotic body part…. it’s not always the obvious ones.
A healthy sex life is one of informed decisions, fun, pleasure and the consent of all those engaging in it.
Here’s a few tips to help you get what you want in yours:
Connect with Sensuality
Sensuality builds sexuality. There can be nothing more sensual or erotic than the sensation of skin on skin, and it releases bonding and feel good hormones such as oxytocin. The skin is the body’s largest erogenous zone and exploring with touch all over the body can feel amazing and help you and your partner to explore new and sensitive areas that are not routinely touched during sex. The building of sensation and desire by taking your time can add to the anticipation, and that in itself can be a huge aphrodisiac.
Make It A Date
There is a considered premium put on ‘spontaneous sex’ that in some way it is preferable to or better than other types of sex, but in the busy lives that so many of us lead, this isn’t always possible. Making time for not only intimacy but your relationship in general is good for your sex life. Set aside intimate time, there shouldn’t be the pressure to have sex, but just to spend some time together. Turn off your phones, or if you decide to keep them on try something different like Pillow Play App which helps you to keep the attention on each other.
Mix It Up
Make it your mission to try one thing differently every time you have sex. Getting stuck in a routine or always having sex the same way can make something that is really fun, feel quite boring. The brain loves novelty and it doesn’t have to be anything too big. Take sex to a different room in the house, a different position, new bed sheets, or not your usual time of the day. Or take your bedding to the floor or a sofa and snuggle up. You can also add different elements such as items of clothing or a vibrator, something like the Nimbus by Ave provides amazing sensations and you can use it wherever you want on the body; don’t just focus on the genitals and don’t only use it on her – vibrators can feel great for men too.
Sometimes you have to see the funny side of sex, things go wrong, noises happen, people get cramp and acting out fantasies can look more like a comedy sketch than the sexy romance that you imagined. But sex is meant to be fun, so learn to laugh it off, it’s nothing to take personally, sometimes things just don’t go to plan!